Embracing Authenticity: How to Live a Life Aligned with Your Core Values

A Reminder to Relax and Enjoy Life "Hold on Loosely"

Redefining success

The fewer things we possess the less weight we have to carry literally and figuratively.  We all know the feeling. Too much to deal with and simply not enough hours in the day.  That constant feeling of stress and heaviness and the inability to just slow down, relax and enjoy life.

I am going to propose a super simple  suggestion or solution.  Instead of holding on and hanging in, practice letting go- not only of possessions but also of expectations and pressures -which we place on ourselves unnecessarily at great cost.  Letting go makes space for things and moments that actually ARE important.  Letting go allows us freedom and time and space to live a life that is aligned with our values.

What do I mean by letting go?  I mean two different things.  Owning less and doing less.  We can talk about owning less in a minute because its more obvious.  But “doing less” is slightly more nuanced. We have so much pressure coming at us all the time from our peers, from advertisers and influencers and even from family and friends.  Pressure to keep up, to have it all, to be ready and prepared for any eventuality.  Pressure to be doing what everyone else is doing the way they are doing it and having what everyone else is having and going where everyone else is going because keeping up tends to be used as a measure of success.   

How do you define success?

Perhaps we need to consider redefining what success really means to each of us personally rather than how we think others see it,   To me it means living my life aligned as closely as possible to my core values.  At the ripe old age of 56 I am finally super clear on that.   My family.  My health. My friends. Helping others.  Showing respect for our planet.  The fact is that if I am constantly running around trying to keep up with what everyone else is doing and buying and achieving there is no way I can actually be true to those values.  I know this because I have tried and I have failed.

Feeling the pressure of what others are doing and how others are doing it forces us to hold onto an outcome regardless of the cost.  By cost I mean how it makes us feel and how we actually experience the day to day.  Exploring the psychological aspects of societal pressure reveals why it's such a pervasive force. The need for social acceptance and the fear of rejection are deeply ingrained in human psychology. Societal pressure exploits these needs, often leading individuals to engage in behaviors or adopt beliefs that align with societal norms, even if they conflict with personal values. This pressure can make individuals feel compelled to conform, sometimes at the cost of their individuality and mental health.

I am going to use an example that hits pretty close to home for me. The idea of working  60 or even 80 hours per week.  Traveling for work,  coming home late, leaving early in the morning.   I am not talking about those who have to work multiple jobs to keep food on the table because that is working to live.  I am talking about people who get on the treadmill early in life with the best of intentions, strive for and create a lifestyle that can afford all sorts of perceived luxury and then can literally never get off because as we all know enough is never enough is this scenario.  I say this with no judgement.  Because I have lived this life.  People living like this  likely  have the same general set of values we all have but this lifestyle will never allow them to live their life aligned to them.  There simply will never ever be enough hours in the day.

I have lived a very privledged life.  My  husband (and my father) was very successful but he was also away more than he was home.  He had to sacrifice time with his children, time with his wife and time for himself to maintain the very expensive life we created.  I am now divorced.  I won’t blame his career choice or drive to succeed for the breakup of our marriage but it sure as hell didn’t help.  I know he valued his family and loves his kids deeply but the path he chose did not allow him to live a life that allowed him to enjoy any of those things nearly enough.

Staying focused on what does matter and keeping your eye on the real prize.

I have a tattoo on my wrist.  It is considered an “upside-down” tattoo because the words face me when my hands are outstretched.  I feel so strongly about the sentiment that I want to be reminded constantly.  It's says “Hold on Loosely” and every time I see  it I feel calmer, stronger and more grounded.  I am certainly not suggesting everyone should have tattoos.  I guess I am the kind of person who needed something permanently imprinted on her skin before I realized I may be placing value on the wrong things.  A constant reminder to slow down and let life unfold.  To never hold on too tightly to any outcome.  To resist the pressure to keep up or be a certain way or force a certain outcome.

Letting Go Allows us an Incredible Amount of Freedom

The more we let go of the more room we have to live our lives in a way that doesn’t leave us feeling guilty, stressed, anxious, overwhelmed and exhausted all of the time.  It allows us to slow down and clears time and space for things that really do matter to us.

The same goes for possessions.  The more we have the more we have to take care of, deal with, organize, fix, clean and get rid of.  For most people today in our consumer society this is just the way it is.  We accumulate and consume and acquire at such a rate that our homes and our cars and our garages and our basements are overflowing with stuff that constantly screams for our attention.  When so much of our attention goes to dealing with and accumulating more stuff we simply have no time, no space, no possibility of being able to focus on the things that really do matter to us.

What Minimalism is Not

Minimalism isn’t about living with nothing or going off the grid.  It is about removing from our lives stuff that does not really matter to make space for the things that do.  This does not have to be a dramatic or a massive life change. I am not suggesting people give up all their worldly possessions.  Perhaps though a shift in thinking, about what really brings us joy. And that is a little different for everyone.

The Parable of the Mexican Fisherman

I will wrap this up with one of my favorite tales.  A wealthy executive, burned out from his high-stress lifestyle, escapes to a remote island for some much-needed rest. While there, he meets a local fisherman who spends just a few hours each day on the water—just enough to feed his family and sell a bit extra at the market.

The rest of the time, the fisherman enjoys long meals with his wife, plays music with his children, naps in the sun, and watches the waves roll in. Curious—and slightly baffled—the executive offers him a plan: fish longer hours, buy a second boat, hire help, scale the business, and over time, become rich.

The fisherman listens patiently and then asks, “And then what?”

The executive replies, “Well, then you could retire early, move to a quiet place by the ocean, spend time with your family, and relax.”

You get my point.